I recently sat down with one of my sage mentors, Ms. Bonita Tyree-Bailey. This is the conversation that followed:
When someone asks what you do (as your career), what do you say?
I work in healthcare administration as an office manager and to be honest, I know of so many other people who are probably much more content with their careers [and knew their passions at a young age]. I have never referred to my job as a career. I think over time you learn how to do things and adapt. But I realized later in life that this was not what I was called to do.
I admire people who have been doing something that they’ve been so passionate about and totally 100% invested in. So, I’ve never referred to it as my career even though I’ve spent 25 years of time doing this. There are aspects of my job that I really like and those are the things that I try to do more of.
What are you currently pursuing?
I started off pursuing a mental health counseling degree, but this current class I’m taking is on career counseling. So as I have been taking this particular class and taking assessments and learning all of these theories, I am really leaning toward being a school counselor. I came to this epiphany in the last 2 weeks. School counseling spoke to me because I thought wouldn’t it be great to be able to help somebody earlier in life? Then they will have the benefit of being better for a longer period of time.
Once you get your degree, it takes another 2 1/2 years [to fulfill clinical requirements]. [When I learned this], I was mortified. My age just became more prevalent to me—you’re 60 years old. [My mortality became] a real thing to me. But I know (because I don’t have any control over that) I can’t let that [hinder me].
Are you having fun along the way?
I am because I am learning so much from other people and the students in the classes. Even though I know I am one of the oldest in the class, I don’t wear that as a banner anymore.
I love your pursuit of that—you’ve talked about how you’ve come to the realization that your current job isn’t your passion, so tell me about how you came to that and how you got the courage to pursue something new?
I probably had that revelation a long time ago. I remember I took some type of assessment at work and it was the first time I had taken an assessment like Myers-Briggs. Then I took another assessment and it measured your skills with your values. But it came back and the results said that I should have been a 2nd or 3rd grade school teacher or a counselor. So that was some new knowledge that I had. That was a long time ago, but it just wasn’t my time to [pursue it].
If I need to encourage somebody [at work]; I love doing that. So even though it may not be part of what I have to do during my work day, I have always made sure that I am encouraging someone. That was a skill that I had, so I just tried to use it. And then there was one other opportunity—my human resources director suggested this committee [I should join]. And I didn’t know anything about it. It was a 2 year commitment and I absolutely loved that.
It sounds like you’ve been really open to exploration and finding out about yourself. And along the way, throughout the years, you’ve collected pieces of the story. So what happened in the space where you went from having the information to now I’m in grad school pursuing it?
So I do this thing every year. I have this grid of goals in the areas of my spiritual life, finances, family, vocation, and social life. It’s [divided into] 30, 60, and 90 [days]. I’ve been doing it for a really long time. So I just try to write down little goals to be able to go back and see if I stayed on track. So I had put down going back to school and finally I just thought you just need to do this—just inquire because I wasn’t taking any action towards it.
I heard this a couple weeks ago: there’s a difference between making a decision (because you make decisions about a lot of stuff) but then making the choice. I can decide I’m going to lose this 20 pounds, but then what kind of choices are you really making to support that? And it’s 2 different things. We say all these things we want to do, but do you really? Because if you’re not making the choices that support it, nothing’s going to change. So finally last year I was like let me make a call, let me find out, let me go on the website, make the choices that are required. So I just finally did it.
I am a world class procrastinator. I’ve learned a lot about the cost of procrastination. Once you finally follow through with the things you put off in your life, you’re like I could’ve had a V8—I should have done that a long time ago. It is not a good thing. I’ve trained myself to do the hardest thing first and then the rest is just a piece of cake. So [getting information about school] was an easy thing that I just didn’t take the action to do [for a long time]. Once you get the information then it’s like well why’d you wait so long.
I know for sure once you make the decision about things [there’s a sense of relief and empowerment]. Fear can be a big inhibitor. That was another part of the procrastination, the fear that I wouldn’t be able to succeed. I kept thinking what if I don’t do well in school, so I wouldn’t tell anybody. My parents didn’t even know. I said I had to get my first grades before [I would share]. So I never even told them I was in school until after I finished my first class.
So can we pause for a second—so you had this fear that you would not succeed. And how are you actually doing right now?
I’ve gotten all A’s in the classes I’ve taken.
So you have a 4.0 currently?
(laughs) I have a 4.0.
Ms. Bonita has a 4.0! What a testament to ignoring the lies that fear tells us. If you have not already done so, make sure to read part 1 of this honest and inspiring conversation.
SLFSHLY 